Parenthood

My husband said something last night that got me thinking. He postulated that the grudges (for lack of a  better word) that one may hold against their parents will work themselves out as they progress through parenthood themselves.

I thought about that most the night while I was up with a hungry one year old. (That is the last time I feed him pancakes for dinner; they so don't stick!) I think it is true. For example, the only thing I really remember being upset with my parents for was when I would get punished for something I didn't do.

I remember it so clearly. We were moving. My sister and I were supposed to be packing our Barbies into a suitcase, and she found a pair of scissors. I told her not to do it, but she cut the carpet anyways. As I knew it would happen, she was busted, but then so was I. In retrospect, my brain calculated the injustice of being punished for something I didn't do as far more grave than necessary. The reality was that I should have been punished for many other things I was never caught on growing up. So while this particular instance was not my fault, it didn't mean punishment for some past transgression wasn't enforced.

The problem with this concept though, even though I understand the logic, is that a kid won't put that together in their mind.It is like raising a puppy, if you don't instantly (withing 30 seconds) reprimand them for disobeying you or doing something they should be doing, then forget about it. The punishment will never put together with the crime. I have lost count of the times my husband and I have compared raising our son to raising our dog.

The more I settle into the role of a parent, the more I start to recognize the things I did as a kid to my parents, but from a different perspective. I struggle to constantly remind myself to have patience and to think about why my son is doing or reacting to something before reacting back. I give my parents more credit than I previously had for putting up with my antics as well as they did. I am reminded of something my Dad said when I was still pregnant with my son. He told me that him and my mom tried their best to raise me and my sister better then they were raised. And that he hopes my husband and I do the same. I don't know if we are doing "better" but while we are doing somethings differently, I do not think how we were raised was wrong. For any problem there are multiple ways to solve it. That is all we can hope for; to find a solution that works with our family.